Baby Girl - All Grown UP!

5 years of wonders. Seeing you growing up bit by bit through the days, weeks, months and years. It has been nothing but precious and blessed moments. You came into my life in such a short and swift time. 9 months of you inside my womb was too short the amount of time for bond. Listening to your heartbeat in me and the plentiful of kicks and punches, it was the most extraordinary experience one can ever have.

When it was time for you to come and venture in this world which is full of rocky pathways, lies, deceit, cons, the many adventures you will be in, I felt my hands shook. Because I know I can never pave the way for you all the way. There will be a day when you will say "Mummy, It's time to let go". It would be like the entire universe crashing down on me. But I will look back in time and know that I've tried my best. There would never be perfect.

5 years has gone by too quickly. And when I reminisce on the photos, tears will be in my eyes. The innocent little eyes. You had nothing to worry because everything was only fun and play. But just hold on tight, it will be a roller-coaster ride. =)

A dedication to you...

A-Vys Chan Khyio Jhyin

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The many faces of a child. Be it silly or not, they always seem so cute. Imagine me doing it. It'll be like... WTF?!

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So, I wish to thank you for coming into my life. I will hold your hands till the day I die.

Love,

Mummy.

<3

I want a kicking-ass name!

Greetings earthlings! Oh! Happy Halloween. So it's a day late. So what?

Anywayyyyyyyyy... Back to the topic. Have you ever come across of someone whom you know is ever-changing their Christian/English name? Alright. I cannot doubt the fact that I'm living here in Malaysia. Multi-racial of Chinese, Malay and Indians and all other sorts of mixture.

But in general, in Malaysia... Regardless of what race you are, everybody knows how a Chinese name goes.

Examples... ( if so happens you saw your name here, I'm typing it down as to what came across my mind with no intentions)

Like... my name. Chung Jen Ai. Or... Lim Ah Tong. Chan Kwan Meng. Tan Li Shen and etc.

This are how typical Chinese name goes. Their last name(surname) and given name. Some of us have the opportunity to have Christian/English names like Peter Lim Ah Tong or Michael Chan Kwan Meng. But some of us are just left with none. Like mine.

Okay, honestly... When I was back in primary school, I have always envied my peers for having Christian/English names. And I'll go "Is it in the I.C arrr? Yerrr... So lucky... I don't have!" But now, having it or not well, it doesn't annoy nor does it bothers me anymore.

I'm alright with people who has given a name for themselves or sometimes the Godparents gives them the Christian/English name and it's not written in the I.C.

But I just can't stand those who makes-up some fancy-ass name and changed them every now and then!

Real life situation. I have his friend. I won't say the name nor will I say it is a female or male. This friend whom I knew for many years and it's really obvious he/she has just the Chinese name on the I.C. Okay, fine. So he/she has came up with this nice Christian/English and would like to be called that way. Old friends, new friends, we have been calling him/her the name that was proposed. 2 months down the road, for all you know, he/she has decided that the name was boring and common so therefore has changed it. So we all knew him/her by the "NEW" name. Yadaa yadaa, point accepted.

Half a year later, changes... yet again. And oh, this time round he/she decided not to blab out to us personally. And I found out, he/she has directly changed it in the Facebook. (Now I know why I couldn't find it) =.=

It's not much of a big deal. But why go through the ordeal of changing it over and over again? I don't get it. It's either you hate your birth given name or you're just too bored. Let me tell you, there are 26 letters in the alphabet list from A-Z. Geniuses have came up with thousands and thousands of different names. Common names to names we have never came across on. There are names out there we will come across one day and find it nice. And we name ourselves after that, and the change will be neverending because we will ALWAYS find something that we'd like.

Well, I have no fucking idea on why I had to just rant about this. But it's kinda creeping up on me and irritates the hell out of me. Because it's just not 1 person I know. There are more than 10 people in my Facebook list whom I personally know who does that and whenever I do the monthly cycle of removing "unknown friends", I would "accidently" delete them off. Why? Because you never stick to your own bloody name. And when I see a name which doesn't ring a bell... BYE BYE!

p/s: I don't mind the occasional changed from using your own name to a nickname like some of my other friends do. But this are not bloody nicknames! It's a little too fucking obvious right? Even a dumb donkey... Wait... Okay, I rephrase, even a dumb-ass person can differentiate. =.=

What Do You Know?

It's that kick-ass Monday blues again.

Toast to another brand new week on the same old October month. And I want to hear from you.

I'm in the midst of planning of revamping my site again. Don't you think the color white is boring?

What do you like to read about? And what do you wish to read about in my blog?

Inspire me will ya?

Leave your comments, suggestions, ideas and what-nots.

Would love to hear from all of my readers!!



p/s : I'm targeting at least 30 comments and more.

Help??

I Love this kinda shit!

When I'm down and need a laugh or a snicker on my face, this shit never fails to put that grin out.

Enjoy!

*photo courtesy of LOLcat and Google*

WHY?!

Just when I thought everything was for the better. The bits and pieces of every problems comes into place, forming a big puzzle in between and for all you know, it's back to square 1 where I first started.

Some say I need to chillout more. Some say I need to relax. Some say I need a person who I can confide in. The only person who I can confide in has already has so much to bear. With me in it, everything will crumble and fall to the ground. And I have spend so much time building the foundation of it. And nothing will come between that. Some say I need to just share it out. If this continues, I might have to spend the rest of my days being an insomniac and popping on anti-depressant pills. Which I'm definitely not wanting to.

Maybe I need to find something that would pull my mind of this. Something I like to do to re-focus on everything else. Something I can do to stabilize my emotions again. I'm starting to think that my mind has full control over my body right now and I need to take back that control.

I just want to skip the pages. People say, "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger". I'm beginning to mock that sentence. "What doesn't kill you will only kill you slowly".

Time. Where are you? Hurry up and get it done please? I'm about to give up.

Mama need some wink of sleep!

I can't sleep. For the past few months, I have been having so much difficulty to just fall asleep. I am drained out. Mentally, physically and emotionally tired. I wished to be able to come back home, lie on the bed and just doze off. I miss having to just close my eyes and sleep. Now, I practically roll around the bed for more than 2 hours first, sleep and waking up only to find out that I just doze off for 5 minutes. And having to go through the 2 hours dilemma to sleep again just annoys me. Before you know it, it's time to get up to go to work. And I'll start to sulk, kicks around because I'm just so damn tired, slowly make my way to the toilet, sit on the toilet bowl and close my eyes and sleep! My sleeping timing is all out. Sheesh. And when I reach to the office, I feel bloody pissed when answering calls. When the clock strikes 12pm in the afternoon, then I'd feel bloody awake all day till 2am-3am in the morning. There goes my sleeping routine. And I'd thought having my permanent shift would have helped!


*yawn*


Thank God for off day tomorrow. Because it's 2.30am now and I'm blogging for shits. And knowing that I'd sleep right up till the 1pm fucking hot sun rays tanning my bottom. I am rudely awaken with noises from the cars honking outside, bloody dogs barking, the sometimes siren wailing, and the screams and shouts from my daughter downstairs. Blissful not?

OH! and my laptop is finally free from the ever so frequent 5 seconds interval of message alert popping up prompting me to download shits to remove the spyware/trojan fuck. I took the initiative to save myself from taking out any money to get my laptop reformatted by doing it all by myself and of course with a help from a friend who is currently waaaaaaaaaaay over at Australia. I feel so at ease now that my laptop is running faster, starts up faster and basically not spamming people's MSN with virus messages. *claps hand*


Well, better go and get some sleep now. 2.36am. Sigh. I'm only gon' doze off at 4am. WTF. And tomorrow is my baby girl's 2nd week of drums lesson! I asked her a very random question today...



Me : So... What did your drums teacher taught you?
My daughter : PLAY DRUMS LA!
Me : Zzzz... WTf.?!
Mum/Dad/Sis : LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

=.=

Kids.




.

I Need...

Is enough ever enough? Enough is never enough. That statement sums it all. We all will never have what it's enough. We can never get enough food. Much so to say you get full and stop eating and practically eat again after a few hours. We can never get enough of clothings. We wear it once and we always have to wear something new. We can never get enough of money as everything in this world needs money to buy something from. Even the most nutrients we need for our body in order to survive, we have to use money to buy.

But a few examples of that are mainly physical things/items that we can see, smell, touch, hear and feel. But what about the emotional needs? Things that we cannot obtain by buying it. Love, care, patience, understanding and etc.

This are things we have to get for ourselves. But how does one gets it? I have not the slightest idea but we do feel it, don't we?

Love? It hurts. 95% of the time. Now that's an understatement. I have know a few people who always says "Don't have gf/bf so difficult. When already have, also so difficult". So, you tell me. Is there ever enough? People take whats for granted, lost it and regrets. But why must we humans have this mindset thinking?

Care? We all do care for one another. Not just towards another human being. Towards nature. Towards their own belonging and so on. But do we really care for it? I saw this bloke the other day, he was one of those "volunteer" participants who opted to do their part for recycling. Passing around leaflets to promote and to encourage the passer-bys to join in. I think that is a great effort. But lo and behold! Coincidently the next minute (while I was still walking around the corner), he finished drinking his can of Coca Cola, walks towards the colored bins. Common ones we see is bins for papers, plastics, glass and aluminium. So where does he throws his can of Coca Cola in? Into the bins for the papers. Recycling? Riiiigggghhhhttt!!!

Patience and understanding? I do not have anything to say about that. I'm just too lazy.

What more in this world do we want? I'm lucky to have grew up in an above average family. But I still do take things for granted. Most of the time I practically get what I want. Regardless of asking my parents to buy for it or taking my own money out to get it. Could we compare to a less fortunate family? Out of randomness, I'm just typing things I can think of on what sorts of things I already have. Laptop, set of television and a dvd player in my room, king size bed, psp, digital camera, mobile phone, sufficient amount of clothings for casual to fancy dinners, mp3 player, air-conditioned room, a drum set, acoustic guitar, a stable job.

Compared to a less fortunate family. They strive on candle-burning, oil lamp for light. Don't even mention about air-conditioning, they don't even have a ceiling fan. Mp3 player? More like old school radio that they still have to tune to get a frequency unlike radio's nowadays, just press a button, and it auto sets itself. Mobile phone? They are way to lucky if they even have one. Laptop? They don't even have a desktop computer what more internet lines. King sized bed? More like sleeping on a hard wooden floor with just a 1 cm of blanket thickness. Psp? More like playing hopscotch by drawing the lines on the floor.

I'm not saying that I'm rich. Don't get me wrong. But I do think that I am way more lucky to some other folks out there and yet I demand for more. Can we really appreciate things that are given to us?






So to summarized everything up again.

Is enough ever enough for you?

P/s: Hearing your feedbacks would be great. Leave a comment if you have something to say if not just ignore this post, click on the "X" button and leave.

Have a good night.

So Fragile

There will be no more "Hello".
and
We never got to say "Goodbye".




Missing you my friend.



xxx R. I. P xxx

Life, a speck of dust?

I went to work as usual today. Starting the day unmotivated. Much towards the afternoon, I was just basically going through for the sake of working. As 4pm passes by, one by one, the office gets quieter. Most of my colleagues are on their way back home by then. I went down to the usual 4th floor for a quick smoke say around 6pm or so. I was tired and sleepy.

Suddenly, around 6.15pm. I felt dizzy. I looked around and the rest of my colleagues who are still in the office was still on call and yakking away. So I closed my eyes for a bit. When I open my eyes again, the dizziness was getting worse. I looked at my computer screen and it went left and right. I hang on to my desk as I thought I was about to faint. One of my colleague who was sitting on the other side of the cubicle, got up, stared at me and said, "Did you felt that?!".

That's what hit me. We're all up on the 16th floor of our office building and all of us felt the tremor. The whole building actually shook. Googled to check on the news, and it spread like wildfire.

An earthquake took its ugly rear and hits on Padang, Indonesia this time. A tsunami alert has been issued as the earthquake measured up to 7.9 on the richter scale. At the moment, this is the most recent news and there has been no contact or communication taken place.

Previously, the tsunami disaster back in 2004 has killed more than 220,000 people including men, women and childrens. The richter scale back then was measuring up to 9.3.

I just googled a while ago, back in 2004, there were predictions of a Tsunami will happen on the July 22 2009. Urban legend? Or is it a disaster waiting to happen? Predictions can never be accurate. We have long passed July 09. It's the end of Sept 09 already. Could this be the one?

These are photo's from the previous Tsunami 2004.

Imagine you were taking a long and relaxing dip in the swimming pool and that happens.
Would you even have half that second to run to save your life?

Mother nature's best yet disastrous waves.
With that high amount volume of water and pressure, everything was wiped out.

This is a photo taken of before and after. It was filled with greenery trees.
And now what is left is mud, sand and lifeless surrounding.

It was once surrounded with calm waters... and now?

The aftermath of it.
Everything has been destroyed.

Don't say more about broken homes and buildings. There were many broken hearts as well. After the tidal waves has came to its rest, bodies after bodies were piled up like dead fishes in the sea. What caught my eyes on this photo was, how devastated their families would be.

Were their bodies given back to their family so that they can be put to rest?

How long have they been lying there lifeless?

Were they even identified?

What has to become our world? War. Flood. Earthquake. Volcanic disruptions. Hurricane. Tornados. Fire.

Can all this be controlled? Can we stop it?

Fact is, we can't.

Inheritance of genes?

Was it karma or the inheritance of genes or just wanting attention?

I'm having the most difficult time with my daughter. Apart was maybe because I gave her the lack of attention. But when does karma really hit? After 5 years of time? Mum said to me "Do you know where her stubborness comes from?" If you ask me, I would deny the fact of my wrong doings and cover it up by saying is inherited. And that's just bullshit.

But come to think of it, every single person is a form of another 2 person. This 2 person is the mother and father. The single person learns and follows the 2 persons traits and yes, they will somehow inherit a certain amount of personalities and charateristics. I can't remember what it's like to be a 5 years old. I don't even remember what I did wrong at that age. Was I like my daughter now back then?

I read from all kinds of sources, having people to tell me this, "Start from young". Ok. I practically blew that part of. I was always around my daughter. But was I really around with her as in mentally? I was physically, no doubts about that. But I guess my heart and mind wasn't really there.

Sigh.

My mistakes has indeed karma-ised now. She's a smart kid. And I looked passed that. I have never once laid a cane on her skin. Just a smack on the butt or the legs or her hands. Once she has a time-out, I'll explain and talk to her of what went wrong and why did I smack her. That failed. Completely. The Bible once taught me, "Spare the rod, spoil the child". But is cane-ing a child really necessary? My mum, her grandma sometimes uses the cane when necessary, and I do see the cane marks on her legs, and that breaks my heart. I vowed before that I will never use a cane and there somehow has other ways to educated a child.

But just about 15 minutes ago, before I type all this down, I canned her. Not really a hard one but just enough for her to feel the slightest inch of burning pain on her skin. I hugged her back, and all I was given was a reaction of frustration and anger turning back to me with countless of kicks and punches from her. Ouch. She's a strong one. It hurts and the reddish-marks are still on my arms.

What am I suppose to do? Will giving her the attention she needs really helps her with getting rid of the stubborness or was she overwhelmed with the non-existence of her father? She needs a father-figure. Really. And she is and will not be getting one. That's a fact I cannot control and reality is, my mistakes has drowned on her.