Sunday, 27 September 2009

Inheritance of genes?

Was it karma or the inheritance of genes or just wanting attention?

I'm having the most difficult time with my daughter. Apart was maybe because I gave her the lack of attention. But when does karma really hit? After 5 years of time? Mum said to me "Do you know where her stubborness comes from?" If you ask me, I would deny the fact of my wrong doings and cover it up by saying is inherited. And that's just bullshit.

But come to think of it, every single person is a form of another 2 person. This 2 person is the mother and father. The single person learns and follows the 2 persons traits and yes, they will somehow inherit a certain amount of personalities and charateristics. I can't remember what it's like to be a 5 years old. I don't even remember what I did wrong at that age. Was I like my daughter now back then?

I read from all kinds of sources, having people to tell me this, "Start from young". Ok. I practically blew that part of. I was always around my daughter. But was I really around with her as in mentally? I was physically, no doubts about that. But I guess my heart and mind wasn't really there.


My mistakes has indeed karma-ised now. She's a smart kid. And I looked passed that. I have never once laid a cane on her skin. Just a smack on the butt or the legs or her hands. Once she has a time-out, I'll explain and talk to her of what went wrong and why did I smack her. That failed. Completely. The Bible once taught me, "Spare the rod, spoil the child". But is cane-ing a child really necessary? My mum, her grandma sometimes uses the cane when necessary, and I do see the cane marks on her legs, and that breaks my heart. I vowed before that I will never use a cane and there somehow has other ways to educated a child.

But just about 15 minutes ago, before I type all this down, I canned her. Not really a hard one but just enough for her to feel the slightest inch of burning pain on her skin. I hugged her back, and all I was given was a reaction of frustration and anger turning back to me with countless of kicks and punches from her. Ouch. She's a strong one. It hurts and the reddish-marks are still on my arms.

What am I suppose to do? Will giving her the attention she needs really helps her with getting rid of the stubborness or was she overwhelmed with the non-existence of her father? She needs a father-figure. Really. And she is and will not be getting one. That's a fact I cannot control and reality is, my mistakes has drowned on her.


Diyana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Diyana said...

there's really no right and wrong in raising a child, nobody can tell you what you should do, what you shouldn't. one thing might work on 1 child, but not on others.

just do your best, and know that you did your best.