Where Do I Go?

The simplicity of life sometimes do make me wonder how the earth rotates and time flies without waiting. If I could just pause a moment in life, there is so much I can do and just be in linger in the moment I wanted to be in.

But then again, I thought to myself. If there really was a pause button in life that I could just click away, I would never really appreciate life again. I wouldn't look back and remember all the memories because it would just be so easy to turn back time and endeavour in it again whenever I feel like it. But as in life back to the sense of reality, there will never be a pause button no matter how much I wish for it. I could only enjoy the moment, and regain the memories in the future. Sadly, it's not as fantastic as it sounds but it could only make me just learn how to appreciate everything better.

All of a sudden, after being so excited about work/training and shits, why do I still feel that I'm back at square one? Oh! I know. I clearly know why. A sudden call from HIM just destroyed my whole entire day and night. Just one fucking call and it ruined everything. How heartless HIM may sound over the phone, I am and never will be satisfied with the conditions. Just thinking about, what if the situation was the other way round. *sigh*
It's the month of May. And soon, middle of the year is arriving. It has been a long and traumatic 7 months of agonizing waits and procedures. I'm just hoping you would give up. Really. Because either way it is, it's your lost ain't mine. You're just putting yourself blindly into jeopardy.

Come to think of it. When all this ends... Where do I go from here?

I'm pretty much lost. Help?